It’s been an eventful few weeks. My neice was born on the fourteenth (I think) after a very slow labour. She’s very cute. I went to see her a few times. I broke up with my boyfriend on Thursday. Didn’t tell everyone until yesterday. Sometimes I wish emotions didn’t exist because then I couldn’t hurt anyone’s feelings. Sometimes I wish I never existed to hurt anyone’s feelings. You really cannot win. For now, I wish I was better at dealing with the aftermath of the pain I caused. It’s like I’m living in the padded cell next to his and I can still hear his screams. My subconscious is screaming “Kill me now!” while my logic says “That would only hurt more people. There’s no way to get out of this. Man up and fucking deal with it. It’s your fault anyway, you deserve it.” I say I have a straight jacket on as well so I can’t even cover my ears.

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