I always hated creating a scene. Everyone hates conflict. I’d rather do something subtly; sometimes just to see if the person cares enough to notice. Most of the time, they don’t. But that’s usually when it’s something good.
This time, however, I let people know what I really think. I rarely do that. It wasn’t good, let me tell you that. There’s been quite a bit of conflict with Freckles and his new girlfriend.
To begin with, the conflict was just between Freckles and I. I even retrieved his new phone number so that it could stay between the two of us and only the two of us. Of course, that was never going to happen. Eventually, she got involved – but that comes later.
Freckles, as per usual, accused me of “slagging [him] off” to my friends, behind his back. Honestly? I wouldn’t say a thing behind his back that I wouldn’t say to his repulsive face. He claimed one of my “friends” told him about me doing this (bullshit, much?) and then refused to tell me which friend. This was highly unfair. I had a right to know. But no, apparently he wanted to keep this person’s trust. Since when has he been bothered about trust?
The way I see it, this person is untrustworthy herself. For a start, she bullshitted lied about me; secondly, if I had said anything to her, it would have been in confidence (confidence that she’d keep it to herself) so technically, she abused my trust. I don’t keep friends I can’t trust.
The fact that Freckles kept the name of the person away from me caused me to speculate about who it could be. This led me to question whether or not I could trust any of my friends. I decided it’s not worth the risk anymore and, besides, they’re probably better off without me – I mean, I’m a fucking curse, obviously.
Anyway, I have a pretty good idea who told him that I was “slagging [him] off” and also told him that I’ve changed and I’m a bitch… Bad person… This all was the reason that I deleted the majority of my friends from MSN – I can’t trust them.
My problem with this person is that they are far too self centred to have ever noticed when I was upset unless I actually made sure to give them very heavy hints. They were too wrapped up in their own problems to realise or to care that other people have problems too. Because of this, I stopped telling her my problems. I shut up and listened. It’s what she wanted me to do, it seemed – but nothing is ever good enough. She decided we weren’t friends. She texted me. I may as well put it on here becasue she’s shown every fucker else and now I’m getting greif for it.
“Lesley, i’m sorry but you’ve changed. I can’t be friends with you anymore. You’ve pushed me away and we have grown apart and have nothing in common anymore.”
I know she got my reply because she’s been showing that around. But she didn’t have the decency to reply to me. I was actually waiting for a reply. I wanted to talk things up; tie up loose ends, y’know? But nobody wants to do that with me.
Nobody wants closure. They just want to drop everything and fuck off leave me to deal with it. It’s like they all, one by one, three a mirror at the floor as hard as they could so that it smashed into a million tiny, sharp pieces and left me to clear up the mess. I’m cutting myself (metaphorically) here, picking them up. It hurts. The kind of wounds that a bandage can’t fix and only a mask can hide. But bandages don’t really fix wounds and masks break easily.

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