Tag Archive: attempted suicide


Motivation


While I’m at it, I may as well ramble on some more. That’s all I have the motivation to do right now. Rather than picking up a pencil and making a start on my art homework, I blog because things just keep entering my mind that I’d rather get out in the open for people to hear about. Only problem being, barely anyone reads my blog. I know of two people who are avid readers of my blog and that’s because either I told them about it or they found me via my old blog which was on MSN Spaces. I prefer WordPress a lot more, mostly because there’s an app for it, but that’s off topic.

Right now, I have little motivation to do anything worthwhile. After all, just the other night while I was talking to my ex boyfriend’s best friend (I no longer consider the guy a friend because of how spiteful he was towards me, which made me spiteful towards him, no matter how much I don’t blame him for it), I had decided that there wasn’t much worth living for in my life except for this one guy, whom I adore, and the fact that my mother’s heart would be broken if I were to take my own life. Normally, I tend to follow orders, especially when they’re repeated by one person or more, but this is just one order I cannot carry out.

My lack of motivation stems from an almost emptiness I was filled with that night, much like depression. It seems to have consumed me and it’s downright pissing me off. Really, it’s my own fault. I never did like big break ups.

Sooner or later, I’m going to drain my motivation silo using the tap at the bottom and use up what little drops are left at the bottom to do some of this homework I have piled up. Wish me luck?

Contemplation…


For once.. I didn’t fall asleep in the bath… That’s good, right? Wrong. The one time I didn’t fall asleep in the bath (or even almost fall asleep), I almost drown myself. It seemed like… I don’t know… Maybe… Like a sub-conscious attempt at suicide via drowning myself in the bath… The soapy bathwater made me conscious of what I was doing… So I guess… The disgusting taste of bathwater kind of saved my life.