Tag Archive: contemplation


So Tell Me…


If you knew something that would change another person’s image of yourself or (in simpler terms)┬áchange the way they think or look at you… If you thought they’d turn their back on you if they found this thing out… Would you still tell them? I wonder… Does anybody ever just want to start again? Move to somewhere nobody knows you, fake your own death, just so you can start again with new people in a new place elsewhere…

Mistakes


My father presented me with an oversized novelty rubbed with the words “For BIG Mistakes” written on it. For a joke, I asked if I was supposed to rub myself out with it. Ha. Dad said “Whatever. Knock yourself out.” Made me laugh. I knew it wouldn’t work, but I tried rubbing myself out anyway. Just as I expected, my efforts were for nought. The rubber, it seemed, wasn’t big enough or strong enough to erase me from existence. Then again, in erasing myself from existence, it would also change quite a few people’s history and I’m not sure such a simple tool could accomplish such a large request.

I came to wonder what people would be like if they’d never met me. I think there’d be a lot less pain and fewer broken hearts. But I also think a very select few wouldn’t be as strong as they are now or wouldn’t have had a shoulder to cry on when they needed it. After all, ground that is rained on tends to harden. But I do wonder… If someone asks a person to die, can their life really be worth living?

Okay…


Is it strange that I only consider three people to be real friends to me? Like best friends or whatever you wanna call it… I’m not entirely sure. Considering one is my boyfriend; another is a friend from school; and the last is an online friend who I’ve never actually met in person… Is that strange? They’re all different ages too (19, 15 & 24)… Maybe it’s just ’cause I tend to get on with people who have a higher maturity level than people my age. Either way, I like these people. I want to keep them in my life.

Contemplation…


For once.. I didn’t fall asleep in the bath… That’s good, right? Wrong. The one time I didn’t fall asleep in the bath (or even almost fall asleep), I almost drown myself. It seemed like… I don’t know… Maybe… Like a sub-conscious attempt at suicide via drowning myself in the bath… The soapy bathwater made me conscious of what I was doing… So I guess… The disgusting taste of bathwater kind of saved my life.