Tag Archive: crying

So after coming home from hanging with Oppa and the female version of Sheldon, I finished off the last of my Aero without even tasting it. I’m not sure why either. I think it made me feel sick. And my stomach hurts now.
I went outside to get the washing in but proceeded to flip out on my sister, get shouted at, and break down and cry. I’m still not sure why I was crying… I have a pain in my chest, too. It’s been there since… Idk… Tuesday? I’m not sure why it hurts.
I think I have reached my limit. I know I’m a closed person. I bottle all my feelings up so they don’t get in the way of other people. I’ve done this for so long that I don’t remember why I started doing it in the first place. So technically… It’s my own fault. I’m a mess. I’m like a bottle. Filled with gas, rather than liquid. The gas is compressed and compressed to fit more and more in up until the point that the bottle can’t hold any more and… Explodes. This process is highly irreversable and painful… If I try to walk away from this mess, I’ll cut my feet on the glass. So I have to stay here and deal with it. Seeing as though my coping mechanism was broken during the explosion… I don’t think I can handle it on my own.



I think I preferred it when I was always dehydrated and couldn’t cry no matter how hard I tried…

Yeah, Yeah…

If I claimed I never had anything to say on my blog I guess I’d be lying… But.. It’s not that I can’t talk about it… It’s that I don’t want to. It’s upsetting… I don’t like talking about things anyway let alone have just anyone read it… Though I’m not sure anyone really reads it except for the people I know read it… So I try to be wary of what I say so I don’t upset them.. Is that wrong? Everyone needs a little upset in their life to prove to themselves and anyone else that they can get through it.. But I just don’t wanna upset them… I mean, I wouldn’t tell my Oppa how I was feeling because I knew it would upset him… But he found out anyway… And now he cried himself to sleep and I feel bad about it… Like, really really bad… I never wanted to make him cry… It just makes me feel even worse knowing I have made him cry… I wish… This would all go away… Becky would leave me alone… Everyone else would stop frowning upon me and stuff… My parents would trust me not to give them every detail… My siblings would let me be… And my Oppa would be happy… With or without me, I don’t mind, but we all know which I’d prefer… But all that is probably not gonna happen.