Tag Archive: death

Over the past two nights, I’ve had a damn good time. It’s been great – made me happy. I have Shaan-kun to thank for that. He’s such a great guy but he won’t admit to it. Ah well, eh? I’m sure I’ll convince him eventually.
Last night, however, I had… A bad dream. I dreamt that I’d died but I still walked as though I was living. People still spoke to me and I could still touch things and move them. It was hard to comprehend. There was a live recording of a song playing on the television in a strange house that I didn’t recognise. I recognised the singer though, unfortunately… I also attended my own funeral. Ha. I made highly sarcastic comments at every given opportunity. Sounds like me, right? So like me it’s unreal. My mother visited my grave a few weeks later. I went with her. It looked like she was the only one that visited.



My father presented me with an oversized novelty rubbed with the words “For BIG Mistakes” written on it. For a joke, I asked if I was supposed to rub myself out with it. Ha. Dad said “Whatever. Knock yourself out.” Made me laugh. I knew it wouldn’t work, but I tried rubbing myself out anyway. Just as I expected, my efforts were for nought. The rubber, it seemed, wasn’t big enough or strong enough to erase me from existence. Then again, in erasing myself from existence, it would also change quite a few people’s history and I’m not sure such a simple tool could accomplish such a large request.

I came to wonder what people would be like if they’d never met me. I think there’d be a lot less pain and fewer broken hearts. But I also think a very select few wouldn’t be as strong as they are now or wouldn’t have had a shoulder to cry on when they needed it. After all, ground that is rained on tends to harden. But I do wonder… If someone asks a person to die, can their life really be worth living?


God, I take thy broken soul and place thee upon those broken bones and watch thou stand with death in hand as thou hath done while time turns man into beast, rabid not free, and all that is left is the warrior that brought death upon thou and suffering upon the rest.


I’m not scared of death, I’m scared of life. What doesn’t kill you only fucks you up further.

My Own Little World

I spend my time on MSN, Facebook and WordPress and generally just online or engaging in some other activity that doesn’t involve physically interacting with other people. Why? Because it’s the easier to deal with reality. It could be argued that it’s not reality. Everything on the internet can be faked. But then again, everything in reality can be faked… I’m constantly absorbed in my own little world asking myself the same question: what is actually real? I have yet to find an answer to this daunting question. After fifteen years of living, my home life still continues to convince me that there’s really nothing to live for while my online and social lives both try to convince me otherwise. The only things keeping me here are the people I hold dearly and fear of finding out the truth about life… I wonder… Would anyone be truly sad when I’m gone? Or would they just think they missed me? Is the reality I’m forced to dwell in just a pack of lies thrown across the table like playing cards? There’s only one way to find out… So it looks like I wont find out for a while seeing as though I’m sticking to my New Year’s resolution this year…