Tag Archive: family


Hello, Darling


From about 4pm Thursday until approximately 2:04pm Saturday, I was graced by my darling Shaan-kun’s presense. It really was great to see him; I missed him dearly – and more so now that he’s gone back home again.
Meeting my family must have been nerve-wracking for him but he wanted to do it because it showed how serious I am about him. I’m very serious about him; why shouldn’t I be? I’m in love with him.
Going from the day we first met offline, we’ve been dating for four months; if you go from the first time Shaan-kun called me his girlfriend, it’s about five months. I’m not entirely sure of the actual date of the latter because there was a lot of hype around that time and my mind has automatically deleted the majority of it. My brain is hypersensitive to negativity and tries to block out most of it (is that weird?).
Personally, I think it all went very well, Shaan-kun meeting my parents. My siblings instantly adored him because of the shirt he wore (a present from yours truly) and the fact that he’s into the majority of games and some anime. (My sister was disappointed that he knew nothing of Soul Eater or Sgt Frog, however…). My baby sister liked him because he was willing to play with her. My mother was immediately friendly towards him, which meant she approved of her first impressions of him. She liked him too. Dad was a bit… Safe guarded. Like a child when they meet someone new. A bit wary at first, but eventually introduces themselves (after showing off something; a skill or play thing. Skyrim, in dad’s case. He made sure he was playing it when Shaan-kun arrived) and warms to the person. So, all in all, it was a positive experience. Though I think my siblings were trying a bit too hard to impress him in whatever way they could.
Shaan-kun gave me gifts. It was cute and I appreciate the gifts; I just don’t like the idea of him spending money on me… Or giving me things that belong to him, as was the case with Crisis Core (it’s a good game; you should try it…). Thankfully, I had something to give to him in return (hopefully, he’ll enjoy it). He also gave my family some gifts, which they were impressed with. He needn’t have gone to such effort to impress them; he’s amazing anyway.
Shaan-kun and I went on a date on Friday. We went to the cinema and ended up seeing Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengence. It wasn’t bad. The 3D effects were cool. However, the continuity was a little iffy and Nicholas Cage is full of himself. I’m sure Shaan-kun has a lot more to say about it; he should be a film critic. But if you try to focus on the positives, like I was, it’s a good film, I guess. Even so, a date can go great even if the film is bad; no worries.
Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed the time I spent with my darling Shaan-kun. Now that he’s not here with me, I miss him.


I know I can’t just immediately expect things to improve but, with some aspects of my life, I’m beginning to think they never will. My friends will continue to keep me out of their lives, thus causing me, in some cases, to keep them out of mine; it seems as though my father will always act as though he can control me without regard for how I feel about the subject; Freckles will never apologise for anything he’s done against me because it’s never his fault; and there’s more but I don’t want to go into detail. I don’t feel like it.
Today, I got home from rehearsal and fell asleep on my sister’s bed. I felt better after that nap but I’m still a little cold and tired. I don’t feel like eating either but it probably won’t be long before I’m called downstairs for dinner.
I should be revising for my Biology exam tomorrow but I’m too lazy. I just want to sleep…

How Is Your Day Going?


My day is going fine, thanks for asking. Well, it is now. The only one that asks me how I am lately is my darling Shaan-kun. I really appreciate him asking – it’s one of the many things he does that show me that he cares.
Last night, I was baby sitting so I didn’t get home until, like, 1am or something. I pretty much went straight to bed.
When I woke up, I was unhappy. I’m not sure why, really. Things are just getting me down. Mostly things between my father and I (oh no, not him again. Stop whining! He’s your dad. DEAL WITH IT).
Not long ago, Shaan-kun told me he’d received the parcel I sent him. His reaction to it made me smile. I’m really glad he liked it.


My baby sister is four today! She’s come to the realisation that, on her birthday, she can get away with pretty much anything. She has been bossy all day – she’s loving it. Her favourite presents, evidently, are the “Zhu Zhu Pets” and the wooden kitchen thingy. Though she won’t cook the little hamster things in the oven of the kitchen thingy so she’s not mixing the two presents together. One of her presents scared her. She hid in my jacket. She’s been playing with it now though so it’s all good.

In Other Mildly Unrelated News


Yesterday, I managed to break my DS. Again. This time, however, it was because I threw it with a lot of force at my sisters bed. So much force that it bounced off of the bed and hit the wall on the other side…
The reason I threw it was so that I didn’t punch my darling sister in the face. I don’t even remember why I was angry with her or why I was so agitated yesterday, and still was a little this morning after hours yesterday evening of void emptiness. Now I’m back to void emptiness.
My father shouted at me yesterday for being in such a mood. He threatened to hit me if I acted that way again. He never once stopped to ask why I was angry or why I was upset or anything…
Seems he forgot about his threat though because he claimed that I was acting in the same way this morning and he didn’t hit me. He just shouted some more. Again, he didn’t ask what was up.
He tends not to ask what’s up. I got out of the habit of telling him a long time ago simply because he never asked.
Now, the fragmented relationship I have with him causes me a lot of inner turmoil and I can’t talk to him about it. Every time I try to talk to him about it, he shouts and blames it all on me. Maybe it is my fault…


I’m the voice inside your head you refuse to hear. I’m the face you have to face mirrored in yourself.

Every child craves their parents approval, right? This would explain why, when at home, I constantly feel empty and void of the majority of positive emotions. Heh.
So how’s it feel to know such a miserable person?
I guess it’s my own fault really. I mean, it’s not like I try my fucking hardest to gain my father’s approval or anything. Yeah, ’cause I totally try my best to be showered with an abundance of disapproving, sarcastic comments. I so totally love the waterfall of negativity I sit at the bottom of in the fucking fetal position.
The saddest part is I’ll never be able to tell him how much he’s actually crushed my whole emotional being and caused me so much pain that I wished I were dead. No, he’ll never know.

“Memory is merely a record.”

I’ll be okay. Always am.


I just woke up from an odd dream. I still seem to be sleepy. I’m not sure what the dream was about, though. I just remember my younger sister and I were running from a woman that I think was our mother. We switched between different dimensions in order to escape her grasp and closed the portals as we left them.
For a reason unknown to me, my brother, father and youngest sister were all somewhat neutral. Like Switzerland.
I’m not sure where we were running to but we apparently required some files from dad’s computer. But we couldn’t download them fast enough before mum came through the portal. Which is ever so realistic because my younger sister has ALWAYS been slow.
Anyway, the dream ended as I ran out the front door while buttoning up my shirt. I don’t even know why I took it off…
I stopped outside the front door to wait for Stacy, as I often do on a school morning, and looked back to see a glimps of my mother with fiery red hair and jet black eyes. She wore light blue jeans and a black shirt. Then I woke up.
This dream has very little significance to me but it was just wierd. I’m wondering what it all means…

So…


I went to bed last night with a slight headache and a smile on my face… Yeah, I was ever so slightly intoxicated. What can I say? I like red wine and my mother gave me some. It’s all good, right? We had a laugh and sang some songs before going to bed. Nothing wrong with that, eh?

I think dad has a hang over this morning. Figures that he’s in a bad mood. I wonder if he fought with mum again… He came into my bedroom this morning, shouted at me for something I didn’t do, then shouted at me for telling him who did it. He also shouted about the tone of voice I was using. Talk about getting up on the wrong side of the bed… Ah well…

I do wish I was still in a good mood. Maybe that way, I would be able to deal with people better. But instead, I have a father who, from time to time, makes me wish I was never born. Yay…