Tag Archive: feelings

So after coming home from hanging with Oppa and the female version of Sheldon, I finished off the last of my Aero without even tasting it. I’m not sure why either. I think it made me feel sick. And my stomach hurts now.
I went outside to get the washing in but proceeded to flip out on my sister, get shouted at, and break down and cry. I’m still not sure why I was crying… I have a pain in my chest, too. It’s been there since… Idk… Tuesday? I’m not sure why it hurts.
I think I have reached my limit. I know I’m a closed person. I bottle all my feelings up so they don’t get in the way of other people. I’ve done this for so long that I don’t remember why I started doing it in the first place. So technically… It’s my own fault. I’m a mess. I’m like a bottle. Filled with gas, rather than liquid. The gas is compressed and compressed to fit more and more in up until the point that the bottle can’t hold any more and… Explodes. This process is highly irreversable and painful… If I try to walk away from this mess, I’ll cut my feet on the glass. So I have to stay here and deal with it. Seeing as though my coping mechanism was broken during the explosion… I don’t think I can handle it on my own.



It’s been an eventful few weeks. My neice was born on the fourteenth (I think) after a very slow labour. She’s very cute. I went to see her a few times. I broke up with my boyfriend on Thursday. Didn’t tell everyone until yesterday. Sometimes I wish emotions didn’t exist because then I couldn’t hurt anyone’s feelings. Sometimes I wish I never existed to hurt anyone’s feelings. You really cannot win. For now, I wish I was better at dealing with the aftermath of the pain I caused. It’s like I’m living in the padded cell next to his and I can still hear his screams. My subconscious is screaming “Kill me now!” while my logic says “That would only hurt more people. There’s no way to get out of this. Man up and fucking deal with it. It’s your fault anyway, you deserve it.” I say I have a straight jacket on as well so I can’t even cover my ears.

Thanks A Lot

I’ve come to the conclusion that nobody tells me what’s up with them anymore. I don’t care how hypocritical that sounds and if you’re gonna say anything against it, I don’t want to hear it because what I’m saying is freaking true. And I don’t like it. You can’t ignore your problems, people. I will listen if you need me to. But if you necer say, how will I know? I want to know because I want to help. Don’t ask about me, tell me how you feel.