Tag Archive: issues



I’m the voice inside your head you refuse to hear. I’m the face you have to face mirrored in yourself.

Every child craves their parents approval, right? This would explain why, when at home, I constantly feel empty and void of the majority of positive emotions. Heh.
So how’s it feel to know such a miserable person?
I guess it’s my own fault really. I mean, it’s not like I try my fucking hardest to gain my father’s approval or anything. Yeah, ’cause I totally try my best to be showered with an abundance of disapproving, sarcastic comments. I so totally love the waterfall of negativity I sit at the bottom of in the fucking fetal position.
The saddest part is I’ll never be able to tell him how much he’s actually crushed my whole emotional being and caused me so much pain that I wished I were dead. No, he’ll never know.

“Memory is merely a record.”

I’ll be okay. Always am.

Issues, Issues, Issues


I’ve come to realise that one of my biggest issues is that I don’t tell people some things. I mean, I always have a reason not to but… I bottle everything up inside myself. Oppa says that admitting it’s an issue is a huge step in the right direction. This time last year, I would’ve lied and said nothing was wrong and everything is okay but now I admit to there being a problem and say I don’t wanna talk about it. Is that so bad?

I’m a closed person at heart. I’ve been brought up to believe that people don’t need to know everything. I’ve always been hesitant to tell anyone anything in case it affected something, be it their image of me or someone else or their beliefs or whatever.

You can say anything about it that you like but, truth is, I am a weak person at heart. For whatever reason, I’ve grown up to be… Scared of people, I guess. I constantly say “I hate people” the way I’ll say “I hate spiders” because I’m anthropophobic as well as being arachnophobic. I’m also agoraphobic but that’s another story. Honestly, I could list my phobias. Ahah…

I’m trying to be more open with some people. I’m trying my best and I just wish people could see that.

Stressed?


Okay, I admit I’m a little stressed lately. Maybe a little more than stressed. Edgy, too. I’ve tried talking about it, but talking doesn’t solve anything. I’d rather do something about it. But what is there to do?

I have one of my favourite anime movies playing in the background of my homework. I’m distracted from my homework, but not by the movie. I’m a little bothered by things lately – and my actions seem to be making things worse.

What do I do? I fear I’m ruining things. Lot’s of things. Maybe I should just quit while I’m ahead, but what good will that do? What will I accomplish?

I really am quite edgy. Hence, the short paragraphs and short sentences. Good thing I got some more chewing gum. Where would I be if I didn’t? Haha. Though I’m not allowed to chew gum in the house, which sucks. A lot.

I have nothing to do and stress occupies my mind, along with the rest of what I usually think about.

I’m trying to occupy my mind with trivial things like games on my phone and stuff like that. But I had my phone taken off me until further notice. Why? I don’t wanna talk about it.

Maybe that’s my problem. I don’t wanna talk about things lately. Maybe I’m pushing people away like that. That’s not what I want. I just don’t want them to worry or think badly of me.

Sometimes I’m ashamed of what I do. But I can’t help it! If you know me well enough, you’ll know why. If you don’t, good luck figuring it out. Ahah. Have fun.

Years from now, if I last that long, I hope everything will be fine and I can make people happy. I want so badly to make people happy. Doesn’t matter about me.

I guess that counts as neglecting myself but I don’t really care. I don’t matter. I’m insignificant. Just an insect on a leaf, consuming the very ground I walk on. If I don’t find the stem soon, I’ll just fall until I hit the ground. Or, failing that, something very hard.

Ah well. No use just ranting about it, eh? I’ll just sit here and shut the fuck up before I mess things up even further. Is that even possible? Only time will tell.


People are always saying “Don’t blame yourself!” But who else is there to blame when it really is my fault? Maybe if I kept my mouth shut, I wouldn’t have anything to blame someone for. I could shoot myself for the words I speak sometimes. Who’s to blame but me?