Tag Archive: metaphors


Suffocate


The air is thick and heavy –
dense. Very dense.
Wading through it,
we’re trying to find
what we lost in the
mist, but we “can’t
see.” Not anymore.

Air so thick a butter knife
wouldn’t cut through.
We can’t move now;
I can’t breathe. It
fills my lungs to the
very brim, threatening
to overflow. But, the
question is: where
will it go? Where
will it overflow to?
It can’t. It will get
denser – is that a
word? It will cram
itself into the tiny
organs that are
reserved inside the
body for a certain
guest – air. This air
did not make any
reservations so
there is really
“nowhere to
accommodate” it
all. What then?

The lungs – my lungs –
will burst due to
the pressure and
all the stress and
strain and force
they had to endure
throughout this
endeavour. Little
blue balloons burst.
If we can trust what
they say, we can
assume I won’t “make it”
and they’ll break it
to you smoothly, I
hope. No worries.

Maybe the air will course
through the rest
of my body, thus
rupturing each
organ in its path;
eventually it will
reach my brain
and cause more
damage than is
already there.
Won’t that be a
“kick in the teeth”?

My brain will be compressed
“beyond repair.”
What will be left
of me once the
air has finished
the suffocation
process, which it
naturally exceeds at?

Nothing.

Puppets


Your strings are tangled, darling,

where are you going,

may I ask? Spinning

in circles will get you

nowhere, might I

add.

 

Dizzy, yet? I feel

sick just examining

your countenance

visually as you spend

your life spinning

endlessly. Endlessly

spinning. Why?

 

A ragdoll, you move

left and right like

a hand would jerk

in an amateur

fashion. A pro

would make it

look almost

real – you’d

forget you

were ever

just watching

a show.

 

They hold the slender

stick that keeps your

string attached. They

are in charge – didn’t

you know, darling?

 

The ones

in charge

motivate

but also

discourage.

It is their

choice,

you see.

 

We are merely chess pieces,

waiting for our next move.

 

Puppet to L17.


So after coming home from hanging with Oppa and the female version of Sheldon, I finished off the last of my Aero without even tasting it. I’m not sure why either. I think it made me feel sick. And my stomach hurts now.
I went outside to get the washing in but proceeded to flip out on my sister, get shouted at, and break down and cry. I’m still not sure why I was crying… I have a pain in my chest, too. It’s been there since… Idk… Tuesday? I’m not sure why it hurts.
I think I have reached my limit. I know I’m a closed person. I bottle all my feelings up so they don’t get in the way of other people. I’ve done this for so long that I don’t remember why I started doing it in the first place. So technically… It’s my own fault. I’m a mess. I’m like a bottle. Filled with gas, rather than liquid. The gas is compressed and compressed to fit more and more in up until the point that the bottle can’t hold any more and… Explodes. This process is highly irreversable and painful… If I try to walk away from this mess, I’ll cut my feet on the glass. So I have to stay here and deal with it. Seeing as though my coping mechanism was broken during the explosion… I don’t think I can handle it on my own.

Stressed?


Okay, I admit I’m a little stressed lately. Maybe a little more than stressed. Edgy, too. I’ve tried talking about it, but talking doesn’t solve anything. I’d rather do something about it. But what is there to do?

I have one of my favourite anime movies playing in the background of my homework. I’m distracted from my homework, but not by the movie. I’m a little bothered by things lately – and my actions seem to be making things worse.

What do I do? I fear I’m ruining things. Lot’s of things. Maybe I should just quit while I’m ahead, but what good will that do? What will I accomplish?

I really am quite edgy. Hence, the short paragraphs and short sentences. Good thing I got some more chewing gum. Where would I be if I didn’t? Haha. Though I’m not allowed to chew gum in the house, which sucks. A lot.

I have nothing to do and stress occupies my mind, along with the rest of what I usually think about.

I’m trying to occupy my mind with trivial things like games on my phone and stuff like that. But I had my phone taken off me until further notice. Why? I don’t wanna talk about it.

Maybe that’s my problem. I don’t wanna talk about things lately. Maybe I’m pushing people away like that. That’s not what I want. I just don’t want them to worry or think badly of me.

Sometimes I’m ashamed of what I do. But I can’t help it! If you know me well enough, you’ll know why. If you don’t, good luck figuring it out. Ahah. Have fun.

Years from now, if I last that long, I hope everything will be fine and I can make people happy. I want so badly to make people happy. Doesn’t matter about me.

I guess that counts as neglecting myself but I don’t really care. I don’t matter. I’m insignificant. Just an insect on a leaf, consuming the very ground I walk on. If I don’t find the stem soon, I’ll just fall until I hit the ground. Or, failing that, something very hard.

Ah well. No use just ranting about it, eh? I’ll just sit here and shut the fuck up before I mess things up even further. Is that even possible? Only time will tell.

Inner Voice


Inside my head,
I’m screaming –
where nobody else can hear me.

It gives no
satisfaction
but to my inner voice.

Those sadists
searching my features for weakness
will never know. I hide it so well.

I do not know what you want.

Nor do I know that I can give.

But you won’t find it here, masochist.

Free me from my prison
of sadism, her and pain!

He has the key – don’t
let him lock me up again!

Update


It’s been an eventful few weeks. My neice was born on the fourteenth (I think) after a very slow labour. She’s very cute. I went to see her a few times. I broke up with my boyfriend on Thursday. Didn’t tell everyone until yesterday. Sometimes I wish emotions didn’t exist because then I couldn’t hurt anyone’s feelings. Sometimes I wish I never existed to hurt anyone’s feelings. You really cannot win. For now, I wish I was better at dealing with the aftermath of the pain I caused. It’s like I’m living in the padded cell next to his and I can still hear his screams. My subconscious is screaming “Kill me now!” while my logic says “That would only hurt more people. There’s no way to get out of this. Man up and fucking deal with it. It’s your fault anyway, you deserve it.” I say I have a straight jacket on as well so I can’t even cover my ears.