You seemed like a good friend, at first – we seemed to have a lot in common – and continued seeming that way for a while (maybe a year or two, possibly three). However, there came a time when I realised we couldn’t be very good friends; and it’s bothered me. Of course, you haven’t actually noticed how much it has bothered me – you never said anything – and so I’ve been left a lot of time to ponder upon it.
You have a colourful personality. You can be kind, pleasant and strong, but you can also be arrogant, cocky and proud. Let’s face it, it’s just a Yin and Yang battle, like in all people. Never bothered me before.
Over the time that I’ve known you, you’ve become more arrogant, more cocky, more proud and, let’s face it, really quite selfish and self centred.
As you strongly made your views known, I began to wonder if we did have very much in common. Turns out, we don’t have much in common. Ah well. No worries. Lots of people are friends with people they don’t have much in common with; so long as they can find a common ground, it’s fine. We had more than one common ground, I think, so our friendship could have survived – at least high school, anyway. Then on, we probably would have gone our seperate ways anyway… But one could only hope for such a modest friendship. Acquaintances would have been fine with me if you hadn’t moved so far away from what I thought you were.
We had some good times, don’t get me wrong, fun times. You were my best friend. We laughed and hung out together. Friend stuff. It was good. I enjoyed… Most of it.
I never perceived you to be the type of person to talk about people behind their backs (excluding the occasional moan to your best friend; but everyone does that). When Freckles told me that someone had told him, I’d been “slagging [him] off”, I thought he was lying because I’ve never “slagged [him] off” behind his back. Anything I say behind his back, I’ll say to his face. I’ve talked about him, but not usually in an extremely harsh way, behind his back because everybody needs to talk about their problems. I didn’t talk very often because I don’t often get the chance to tell people how I feel – they just don’t care. You didn’t seem to care much, either, so I eventually stopped telling you things as much…
Eventually, I realised that somebody had probably lied to him and told him I’d been saying bad things about him. It didn’t seem like it’d be you but that was the only (highly unlikely) plausible solution I’d come up with. Especially seeing as though said person had told him I’d changed and I’d become a bitch bad person.
I don’t try to be a bad person. In fact, in case you didn’t notice while you were self-absorbed, I try my best to be a good person. Like the creature in Frankenstein, I have a benevolent nature – but that can change if you don’t treat me right.
The last thing that really pushed me away from you is how you view my relationships. You never really supported me with my relationships; you seemed to just grin and bear it.
Alright, with Kane, you were happy for me.
With Riley… You told me how much of a bad choice I was making; how he probably wasn’t who he said he was, how he was probably cheating on me, etc, etc. You, along with all of my other “friends”, turned against me. Whether or not he was a bad person was a different matter; you all went the wrong way about telling me. Did you know: all that treatment caused the beginning of my self harming? You had all convinced me that I wasn’t good enough for the word because I was gullable and naive and dated somebody online. But, months later, now everybody is doing the exact same thing. Well done, guys… Thanks.
With Eli… I don’t remember, really. I think you were happy I’d got the guy that I’d crushed on for eight years – but it seemed fake; very fake. After he dumped me you consoled me because it was the social protocol. At least, I think you consoled me; I don’t remember.
With Adrian… You immediately disapproved because of the age gap and the fact that I met him online; you said he could be anyone of any age. But, I’d already met him in real life once; but you continued on about the age gap and stuff, etc, etc. Eventually, you got to know him and seem to be better friends with him than with me – even after all those horrible things you said about him. Y’know… I’m not even sure I was ever properly dating him. Maybe that’s why you ended up liking him so much.
And now, with my darling Shaan-kun… Despite the fact that I’d already proven once that age doesn’t really matter, you continue to spurn the fact that I happen to enjoy the company of older men; they’re more mature than the idiots our own age. Besides, last I heard, you were after someone older than you anyway.
Actually, didn’t you like someone older first? Didn’t you say you prefer older guys? Didn’t you fancy your cousin, who is older than you? Not even the better looking one, either. Your foster cousin is actually the better looking one; everybody agrees.
It never bothered me when you said you liked your older cousin – or even your new best friend’s ex, who happens to be older than you. My only query with that is that he’s your best friend’s ex and it might only be a mere infatuation. You and your best friend are very, very alike, too, so he might be put off by that. But I digress.
You view my relationship with Shaan-kun as baby-sitting. Fucking baby-sitting! D’you know how much I’ve wanted to punch you in the face for saying that? I don’t think you realise how much it bothered me because you’re too fucking self-centered. Why did you say it? Are you jealous? Jealous that he has me or jealous that I have him? Or are/were you jealous that I’m in a relationship? A good relationship. Or maybe you’re jealous that I love him, but not you. Well, I don’t have any love towards you – romantic or otherwise – because of the way you’ve treated me; it’s your own fault.
I hope you can iron out the defects so you don’t lose any more friends. I also hope that you can see which friends are so indecent that they use you and they’re fake, etc. I was never an indecent or fake friend.
Because of you, I no longer keep friends – just acquaintances. I can’t trust many people. I certainly can’t trust you.