Tag Archive: stress


Okay, I admit I’m a little stressed lately. Maybe a little more than stressed. Edgy, too. I’ve tried talking about it, but talking doesn’t solve anything. I’d rather do something about it. But what is there to do?

I have one of my favourite anime movies playing in the background of my homework. I’m distracted from my homework, but not by the movie. I’m a little bothered by things lately – and my actions seem to be making things worse.

What do I do? I fear I’m ruining things. Lot’s of things. Maybe I should just quit while I’m ahead, but what good will that do? What will I accomplish?

I really am quite edgy. Hence, the short paragraphs and short sentences. Good thing I got some more chewing gum. Where would I be if I didn’t? Haha. Though I’m not allowed to chew gum in the house, which sucks. A lot.

I have nothing to do and stress occupies my mind, along with the rest of what I usually think about.

I’m trying to occupy my mind with trivial things like games on my phone and stuff like that. But I had my phone taken off me until further notice. Why? I don’t wanna talk about it.

Maybe that’s my problem. I don’t wanna talk about things lately. Maybe I’m pushing people away like that. That’s not what I want. I just don’t want them to worry or think badly of me.

Sometimes I’m ashamed of what I do. But I can’t help it! If you know me well enough, you’ll know why. If you don’t, good luck figuring it out. Ahah. Have fun.

Years from now, if I last that long, I hope everything will be fine and I can make people happy. I want so badly to make people happy. Doesn’t matter about me.

I guess that counts as neglecting myself but I don’t really care. I don’t matter. I’m insignificant. Just an insect on a leaf, consuming the very ground I walk on. If I don’t find the stem soon, I’ll just fall until I hit the ground. Or, failing that, something very hard.

Ah well. No use just ranting about it, eh? I’ll just sit here and shut the fuck up before I mess things up even further. Is that even possible? Only time will tell.


Stress & Skype

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m aquiring more spots from stress… And it’s pissing me off… I uploaded some photos to Facebook, which I might remove, that show evidence of it, too. If it’s showing up on those pictures, it must be getting really bad! Even so, my relative in Australia commented on the album I uploaded the photos to and said I’m really good with my photography and stuff so they must have been good pictures, photography-wise. The usual “Likes” from Oppa don’t tell me much really. Just that he still bombards me with notifications when I upload photos.

Skype is fun to use, is it not? And it’s the only app on any of the laptops that can use webcam as well as text, seeing as though I don’t actually have the MSN app. I do like it. Though I’d not used my Skype account for over a year, i.e. since before I knew Oppa. I forgot it existed so it’s a good thing the password was easy for me to guess (though what does that say about the security of the password? Ahah).

I don’t even remember when I actually opened the account… But if I never use an account, why would I tell people about it? The only reason I used my account last night was because I was already on the laptop that uses Skype and I thought I may as well log in.

I had a nice conversation on Skype, it cheered me up, but after that it just caused problems for me. Who knew a program on a computer could cause such a fuss? It’s all I can do not to spout profanities and violently attack something. Maybe I need anger management?

I know I wasn’t in the best of moods yesterday and that wasn’t really anybody’s fault. I was in that mood for most of the day for reasons quite unknown to me. I told one person of my dream and he cleared it up for me, for which I’m very grateful. I thought that would cheer me up but I was still stuck in that mood up until the point that my sister’s crush’s brother made me laugh so hard I nearly cried because he insulted me a number of times and then asked me for my number. Like I’d give it to him?

Despite appearances, I still wasn’t happy when Oppa visited. I didn’t really care much that he visited because he didn’t visit to see me and I’d rather have been doing better things. Maybe I shouldn’t blog when somebody has pissed me off. Ever. So. Slightly.

Yes, Oppa, I still haven’t stopped faking smiles for you. Appreciate that I care enough to do that. I think that’s worth more than a poxy Skype account. Honestly, you’re overreacting. It’s not like I told you I didn’t have MSN or I didn’t have Facebook or I didn’t have a phone. Those are the things I use most, except for this blog. You even have this blog in your favourites! I thought we were gonna forget about the past and put it all behind us? So if you’re going to shout at me for things I have or haven’t done in the past, you can stop calling me Lexy, that’s for sure.

I’m not even stressed about my exams! I’m worried about the work I’ll have to catch up on and the homework I need to do. More so all the art I need to do to catch up. I haven’t even started it! And I have to give in my book to be marked on Thursday! I’ve missed so many lessons… And I just can’t be bothered to do it…